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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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First off, I hit the road down Hlavná street. You know, the main drag. It’s always buzzing with people. I’m cruisin’ along, jamming to some tunes, when BAM! Traffic jam. Like, seriously? It’s 7 AM! I’m sittin’ there, fuming. I could’ve been blasting away at some rusty old car or something. Instead, I’m stuck behind some dude who’s clearly never heard of a turn signal.

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